Ronald Erwin Wilcox in Memoriam
REW April 21st, 1956 Ames Iowa
Ronald Erwin Wilcox died this morning, Saturday, November 27, 2010, at a hospital nearby Friendswood, TX, where he has lived for the past few years near his middle daughter, Rena.
For the past few weeks, Ron was in a rehab facility recovering from back surgery and a fractured collarbone. This week he was in good spirits, eating well, and excited about getting in and out of a wheelchair where it was more comfortable for him to eat. All three daughters had good chats with him this week, by phone for Sara and Marla, and in person with Rena. But Thursday night he had some choking problems which may have led to an infection that took his weakened system down quickly. Friday he was awake but easily confused, and late that night he was transferred to the hospital where he died in the ICU after about twelve hours.
We are grateful that his end was relatively quick and, especially, that he did not suffer the sort of suffocating feeling that he and we had feared might afflict his final hours, because of his chronic breathing problem. Rena saw him on Friday evening, and he was a little confused, but he was not uncomfortable. Once he went to sleep and began to spiral down, as far as we know, he never regained consciousness.
We plan to have a small, private remembrance ceremony for our father.
If you wish to mark his passing with some gift, instead of flowers we suggest that you give to the educational organization of your choice. If you wish to share a memory, visit this page http://marlacorinne.4parkers.com/rew/ and add a comment using the form at the bottom of the page.
With loving memories,
Marla, Rena, Sara, Esther
Marla, thank you for this posting and this space to share memories.
Just yesterday, I was whistling Christmas songs (quite well thank you) and remembered once when I was little and walking with our dad and HE was whistling a complicated, pleasant melody quite well. I could not yet whistle and commented as much. He said,”Oh, you just have to keep trying and practicing and you will get good at it.” My daughter, Meg, at ten years old just had almost the same conversation with me a week or two ago and she has been unabashedly practicing her whistling ever since! Life is a circle.
I meant for these comments to show up immediately, without moderation, but I cannot figure out how to make that happen without opening up my entire blog, which would be a bad idea because the spammers know about my blog.
So if you leave a comment and it does not show up right away, don’t worry, it will show up as soon as I approve it!
Marla
I wonder if a few people will come to this page wondering – who is this man!? If so, my apologies. I just sent the announcement to most of the email addresses that he had transferred, usually with some annotation, from his old to his new email a couple of years ago.
THANK YOU to everyone who checked in with him over the years. When he was still checking email, he took great delight in keeping in touch with people all over the world and, especially, remembering special days for them like anniversaries and birthdays.
Marla
I always loved Opa. Sometimes I didn’t know what to say to him but I still loved him. I did not feel like he was gone until now.
Goodbye Opa.
~Meg~
We are truly sorry about hearing of your father’s passing. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Ronald. We truly enjoyed getting to know your father
in connection of our purchase of your family home in Baton Rouge. We think he
would be happy to know the home is now filled with a lovely couple and all 5
bedrooms filled with young children.
With our regards,
Carl Palasota and Donald Morgan
Baton Rouge, New Orleans, Louisiana
Ron was my late husband’s brother, their father E. Wilcox of Des Moines, Iowa. Ron came to Seattle before my wedding to Philip, visiting often and enjoying Trevor, my grandson, as well as my sons Dana and Jason. Each visit was fun and he truly enjoyed looking up as many people as he had met earlier in his life. Yes, he was really interested in people and did not hesitate to ask questions. I remember a visit to Baton Rouge when he took me to visit some of the Plantations and at one we walked along an access road with large trees forming a canopy. While I cannot recount our conversations verbatim I remember we talked about life experiences. He was a caring person and his three daughters reflect the same. Rest in Peace. Inga
While we start reviewing all the good memories we’ve had with him, it is also time to recognize the heroic job you three girls, our daughters Marla, Rena and Sara, have accomplished in seeing your Dad through his very difficult passage, with grace and love.
Uncle Ron was a uniquely curious man…by that I mean to say that he wanted to know as much about everything/everyone as possible…he was keenly interested in meeting new people and getting to know them. He also maintained contact with a vast number of friends/colleagues/and extended family members that he came to know throughout his travels in life. He cared about and was interested in the lives of many people. I remember visits many years ago in Iowa, Colorado, Louisiana and Texas…lots of memories from my youth. Though we hadn’t kept in touch much recently, Uncle Ron will forever be a part of my life, my dad’s brother, my uncle and a friend. Rest in peace Ron, you will be remembered. Dana Wilcox
He was a bird lover. I saw a bird this morning, brilliant in the sunshine, and remembered how much he would enjoy my reports of seeing unusual and colorful birds, or beautiful birds of prey right here in our neighborhood.
We went on hikes with binoculars, in Memorial Park in Houston, the whole family. I learned to love birds on those hikes, although at the time I enjoyed swinging on the vines even more than seeing the birds.
I am sad to hear of Ron’s passing, but know he lived a long and fruitful life. While I doubt many will disagree with me when I say he could be a bit eccentric at times, he seemed to really care about those in his life and I was most impressed by his ability to remember birthdays – everyones birthdays. He placed a lot of value on family and friendships.
He could stretch a dollar like no one I have ever known, but his frugality was always based on his desire to travel and visit friends and family. That is a very worthy activity and one of the things I respected most about Ron.
I will always remember how “at home” he was when he would visit us in Colorado and tour the front range mountains with me. I will miss him and am a better person for having Ron in my life for many years.
My family will also keep Marla, Rena, Sara and Esther in our prayers as you deal with his passing. As always, if there is anything I can do just give me a call.
Bill Hecker
I and my wife, Leela, knew Ron for over 15 years. We met him for the first time when his college-friend and our brother-in-law, Amrendra Pandya, brought him to our house in India. Our contacts resumed when we moved to US in 2001 after we retired. He invariably visited us whenever he came to Connecticut, and I will always remember him for his transparent sincerety and his amazing fondness to build human contacts. He would so innocently ask about us and our family,and when we talked again, he would remember and ask again by name how all of us are doing. I have not seen such an uniquely good person, always genuinely and selflessly interested in fellow human beings.
Thank you, Marla, for letting us know about his demise.
It is a relief that his end was peaceful. We would like to share your grief and sense of loss, and join you in prayers for him. Leela and Suketu.
I am doing a 1500 piece puzzle right now for Katie as it is a picture of 3 horses in a field. Opa used to love to do puzzles and taught me how to do them. I loved to sit and do them with Nana, his mother, when she lived with us in our home when I was in middle school. You have to look, just with your eyes, and not touch a piece until you are pretty sure it is the one you are looking for. And its cheating to look at the picture on the lid. LOL! Now I line up all the pieces by color and what shape they are – very methodical- and it makes it easier and fun. I told Meg I was cheating because I took a piece out of the puzzle and searched for and found the piece I was looking for by matching the knob to the right hole. Meg said, ‘Mom, that’s not cheating, it’s just a different technique.’ I love that child! Ha! and I have my father to thank for the joyful (non-electronic) time I have shared with my 10 year old who seems to have a little bit of the puzzle bug too.
Marla’s email brought to me sadness, and a lot of memories.
I have known Uncle Ron since 1980,initially because of the close friendship between my parents in law and Uncle Ron; and then due to his visit to Baroda some years back.
Papa(Amarendra),my father in law,(Amu for Uncle Ron!)and Ba (Jyotsana),my mother in law struck a friendship in Ames,Iowa more than six decades back.In the US, Papa and Uncle Ron shared a room,and a memorable time, as students
and roommates.Later at Papa-Ba’s wedding,he was also the best man.
Even after Papa-Ba returned to India,the bond was nurtured and continued, despite the physical distance and no easy ways of staying connected that we now have.
We had seen pictures and heard so much about this friendship that when we heard he was to visit Baroda, we looked forward to meeting him in person.
During his stay in Baroda, we got to know him better. He left an imprint as a warm and caring person, so full of life, curious to know about new things and places,willing to try out unfamiliar Indian food,keen to meet and talk to persons.He also visited our home in Baroda, enthusiastically
joined us on a trip to our two daughters’ school,interacted with the teachers and students there.He talked and listened to our daughters patiently, about their academic and non-academic interests and dreams.
Uncle Ron had then,I remember,diligently noted down all names, relationships and important dates about all family members.He was very particular and punctual about sending his love and best wishes.He responded in detail to all my Christmas/New Year wishes, for as long as it was possible for him to do so.
It was a relief to know that though he had been unwell for some time, the end was relatively swift and painfree.May he rest in peace.He will continue to be with us-in fond memories.
Our love and remembrance to everyone in the family.
Sudha
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Thank you so much, each and every person who is sending us your condolences and memories of our dad, Ron or Opa since his grandchildren arrived. It is a great comfort to us to read your kind words.
Marla
Thank you, Maria, for your thoughtfulness in letting me know of your father’s passing. I also appreciate having the information concerning his final days and the fact that you and your sisters talked with him last week. Please share my condolences with them.
It is sad to lose yet another grad school colleague. Ron was better than most at keeping in touch and he managed to keep me up-to-date on Columbia classmates with whom I had lost contact. His phone calls were always a pleasant surprise, as was his appearance in Laramie with Sara (hope I’m right) many years ago. All my memories of Ron are joyful ones.
Don Boyd
Marla, Rena and Sara,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother this year so I know a little of what you are going through. My father thought of Ronald as a brother because of the time that he spent living with Aunt Ena, Uncle Arthur and Ron when he was very young. Uncle Ronald’s visits to Pittsburgh to spend time with my father, Oliver Lerch, were always an event. Even as adults my brother, Robb and I would try to arrange to see him when he came to town. He always had interesting stories of his travels. He also spoke proudly about his very successful daughters. Additionally, he had the family trait of telling enormous detail in his stories. (A trait that he shared with my dad.) I know that he always kept in touch with my dad and always remembered to call him around his birthday in late December. Please share my condolences with Esther too.
Carolyn Lerch Hartzell
My favorite memory of Uncle Ron was when he took Us hiking as kids (cousins) in the Rocky Mountains. He had great patience as he showed me how to walk and breathe effectively as we climbed. I still think of him when hiking!
You all are in our thoughts and prayers as you grieve his passing.
blessings,
Nancy Shaffer Delph
Esther, Marla, Sara, Rena –
Your note saddens me, but at the same time I am happy to hear he did not suffer much. Ron was a kind man who lived a full life. He had a great impact on my life, so much so that I now live in the town and region he personally introduced to me when I was a teenager (Boulder, Colorado). Please receive my family’s condolences – our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Arthur
Uncle Ron’s gentle voice and inquisitive spirit will always be remembered. So unique, who else shows you their love by plying you with factual details of your life? Ron touched my life early, by showing me rocks in Colorado around age 8, some with names I still remember. Then, as I was researching colleges, Ron gave me a journal article that I successfully quoted in my admission paper. Reading here about “Amu” Pandya is a refreshing call on my memory of meeting Amu in Houston around 1970. A word occurred to me a couple of days ago of what that I always want to have in my life, and Ron was a model for it: the word is WONDER.
Dear Marla,
Thank you for notifying me of Ron’s death. You know that we lived together as brothers for five years Bob and I left Des Moines in 1939 when my father remarried. Over the years we have kept in touch, seeing each other on occasion and by phone. He was so peripatetic that he often stopped by to see me in Pittsburgh. Just this morning I thought: “I really ought to call Ron. But he would be calling me on my birthday.”
These last few years he always spoke with spirit and seemed to accept the infirmities that come with aging. But I too am grateful that his final days and hours were short and relatively comfortable. I know what a blessing that can be. It doesn’t change the grief.
I rejoice that the scourge of Alzheimer’s that struck Arthur, Roscoe and Leona and that he was concerned about inheriting was not in his genes.
Thank you again for the notification.
With love, sorrow and gratitude,
Ollie
Ollie,
Amen to that! Yes, we should have noted that blessing earlier on this page. For those who do not know, my grandfather, Arthur, and all four of his siblings, as far as I understood, had Alzheimers for many long years. Also his good friend in Colorado had it.
I am happy to report that Opa was VERY lucid the last week of his life! My daughter Jes, sisters Sara and Rena, and myself all had chats with him (only Rena in person) as late as Tuesday and Wednesday when he was determined to get well and “get out of there” and sounded quite good.
In fact, he only had two “episodes” of mental confusion that we know about, one with me on the phone when he was in the hospital for the back trouble and once on Friday, the night before he died, in person with Rena. We don’t know what caused those episodes, but they were noteworthy because they were so unusual.
So given that we all lived in fear of Alzheimers for his later years, let’s all celebrate that he completely dodged that fate 100%!!!
Marla
This is the comment, shortened because the first two crashed: Vaya con Dios, amigo. I will miss you.
We first met Ron as a client and he became a close friend throughout the years. We met two of his daughters while we were living in Osceola, Iowa.
After our retirement we enjoyed his annual summer stay with us in the Bitterroots and appreciated his geological assessment of our land and adjoining territory. We have missed these visits in recent years, but were rewarded with frequent phone calls and then later emails from Ron. We exchanged emails with him last month. His message was lengthy, informative, and comprehensive as ever. We will miss him, and will cherish the memory of his friendship. Darby, Montana
What a wonderful Dad you had in Ron. It shows in how each of his girls live their lives. I’m sorry for your loss. It is good he went quickly without prolong suffering. Thankfully each of you were able to communicate with him.
Celebrate your time together with him as you morn his passing.
Bernice
Esther Marla Rena Sara,
Heaven seems nearer as our loved ones enter there.
You are in our prayers.
May God bless you all.
Psalms 48:14
West Virginia cousins
Paul and Bessie Beckner
We first connected with Ron in 1955 at the foot of Pikes Peak. Thereafter our mutual peregrinations brought us
together in a variety of places. Sadly, we never got him out to climb Kilimanjaro and to elucidate on its geology.
Ron was an intriguing uncle to our boys and he seemed to feel like a “brother” to every person he ever met.
We will miss his engaging manner and the objectivity he tried to bring to every discussion.
The “Out of Africa” part of Ron’s international circle.
Marla,
I learned about your dad’s passing through Jen, with whom I hobnobbed over breakfast this morning. My condolences. Too bad that words are woefully inadequate at a time like this.
Whenever I talk about parents with friends, a poetic passage from Mitch Albom’s “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” invariably comes to mind:
“Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them–a mother’s approval, a father’s nod–are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives.”
Your memories of your dad will live on.
Marina
I felt especially close to Ron. He was completely opaque in every discussion, not holding back with any detail, important or trivial. He was my “soul-mate” as I navigated the challenging path that unfolded as I left the safety and security of a very conservative upbringing and moved out into the broader world. We shared many a hike, hours of telephone conversations from my dorm room in Boulder, and the knowledge that even if we disagreed on matters of faith, our minds and spirits would see us through, and make us better for our critical analysis of that faith.
Through that dour, super-scientific exterior, it was often very difficult to appreciate the deep, abiding sense of hope that he had for each and every individual he encountered. In spite of his expressed fear for, and disappointment in humankind in general, he WORKED at his relationships, knowing that each individual would be holding the hope of the future. He felt personally responsible for the well being of each of those individuals he contacted as they went out into the world, hoping each would, if not change the world, at least preserve it for his and their progeny.
Esther said it best above: You girls are to be commended for your love and affection demonstrated particularly over the last years in Houston. Laugh, love, and live life to its fullest. That’s how Ron wants it.
Deep respect, love, admiration, and blessings.
John and Jo
Starting in the early 70s, when my Uncle Ron wasn’t on the phone to my cousin John Shaffer (above) he was probably on the phone to me. Ron provided a “lifeline” to young people like me. That meant he was always ready to talk about anything, in confidence and in earnest. In fact, he often brought up the topics and, like the teacher he was, made sure the topic was thoroughly covered, even if it took a few hours. He sincerely wanted to know what made me tick and in because of our interaction he made me tick even better. He’s the only person I know who enjoyed whiling away the hours driving at night on long trips (always cooler and it meant he wasn’t spending money on a motel) working out long math problems in his head, probably to several decimal points. Thank you, Ron, for the inspiration and motivation you gave me.
Dan Shaffer
I only knew Ron for a short while, but he was an interesting guy to talk with. He lived across the street from me and when I would see him outside, I would always walk over and shoot the bull with him. Then he moved down the street a block, but he would take a walk and if I was out in the yard, he would stop by to talk.
It is sad that he is gone, it would have been great to know him longer and better. May he rest in peace….
We miss you Uncle Ron and we will always remember you for…
Your India visits.
The good times we shared.
The family gatherings.
The philosophical discussions we had.
The religious explanations.
The shopping expeditions.
The visit to the kids schools.
The scrabble games we played.
The chocolate cakes I baked for you.
The television shows we watched together.
And the list goes on and on……
You will live forever in our hearts and we will always keep in touch with your lovely family.
May you rest in peace in your New Abode.
Manjari
Opa would be very, very proud of his eldest grand daughter who just got accepted to MIT.
I immediately thought to call him with the exciting news! <3
Marla Parker and Family,
Rena Haldiman and Family,
Sara Burelle and Family,
and Esther,
Of all the friends I have, Ron was my best friend and fast friend, almost a member of my family. We all loved him as a member of our family.
I went to the USA in December, 1946 for higher education and lived in Hughes Hall with an Indian room mate named Pandit from Bombay. Ron and I met for the first time in the Common Room and talked about us.Then we used to meet more. When the new academic term was to start, he asked me if I would like to be his room mate and I said yes.So in1947, Ron (USA-WASP), Z.Sarman (Turkey, Muslim) and Amu Pandya (Indian, Hindu) became room mates. I knew Ron before anyone of you did. He taught me a lot about American society and American rules and behaviour.
My father had taught me an important lesson of life’s philosophy when I was 12 years old and which I have always remembered. We all are children of the same God, known by different names. God created the Universe including the earth we live on; created air, water, land, vegetation, animals and homosapians. Nations, regions,religions, classes and creeds, which separated them, are created by human beings.
Ron took me to his home on Des Moines and met his parents. They treated me as a son.I went there more than once and sometimes stayed overnight. Ron introduced me to his Aunt with whom also I stayed; and his maternal Uncle or relative who was a farmer. I lived on the farm, worked on the farm, drove a tractor and rode on a horse.All these experiences taught me about American society. I had other American friends also.
Jyotsna was my fiancee. She came to the USA in June 1948, to study Home Science. We got married on July 8, 1948 and Ron was my Best Man and Atula was Bridesmaid.I have a beautiful picture of Handsome Ron standing as Best Man beside me.
Though I lived with Jyotsna in an apartment, our friendship continued. He took both of us to Des Moines at his home to meet his parents and their friends. We have a beautiful picture of mother and friends in Indian saris.
During my professional career, I went to the USA a number of times and each time I found a weekend to go to his home and meet him. It was a matter of great joy for both of us.
Ron had a list of all my relatives and had met them. All of them remember him for his gentleness and interest. A few years back, he came to India to live with us for about four weeks. The day he arrived here he spoke uninterrupted for about eight hours about his life. he visited all my relatives and had lunch or dinner with them. It was a memorable visit.
Ron and I kept in contact throughout the years by postmail, e-mail and telephone. Ron was very dear to me. For me, he was a remarkable person; an unusual American, well planned and disciplined and loving person. I cannot describe in words his goodness and kindness, his civility and nobility. May God give his noble soul eternal peace in Heaven.
Amu and Jyotsna
From Vadodara, India
The comment above came to me and mother by email, but I immediately took the liberty of sharing it here. Amu and Jyotsna have always been like somewhat mythical, distant yet revered grandparents to us. I have a vague childhood memory of an in person visit, though it may have been confused with pictures from before I was born. More certain were various visits by their extended clan, and I was privileged to visit them in their home in Vadodara about ten years ago.
Just as the above message came via Manjari, I was also the conduit for communications between Ron and Amu for the past few years when he sometimes was unable to check his email. Ron was always eager to hear their news and reply in kind, and he cherished the contacts with the younger generations of Amu’s family on email and even facebook!
Dear Girls and Esther;
We just learned of Ron’s passing. We are saddened to loose such an involved
relative.
I don’t think there was another who was truly interested in the family and what each member was doing, especially academically.
Our oldest granddaughter just graduated from ASU with a BSN degree and had
mentioned to her to share her announcement with Ron as he would have loved to know another followed in his Mother’s footsteps.
Several years back he sent me a biographical sketch of his Mother’s life , which I entered into the Ellis/Robb genealogy.
His visits were full of interesting facts and adventures which were remarkably
remembered in detail.
He lived a long and simple life always keeping family foremost in his thoughts. Don’t we wish he had taken notes.
We will miss hearing from him reminding us we have had another birthday.
In 1973 Uncle Ron stopped by our one bedroom apartment at the university we attended in Illinois. This was the first time he met Debbie (we were married earlier that year) so he got out his handy dandy notebook and dutifully wrote down the names and birthdays of all of Debbie’s (9!) siblings.
Uncle Ron and I went out to play catch during which time I lost my wedding ring in the long grass. I gave up hope of ever finding it, but Uncle Ron summoned up all the deliberate fastidiousness he was famous for and located the ring after an hour of searching.
Uncle Ron was an interested and interesting person who is deeply missed.
Much love to Esther, the girls and their families.
David and Debbie (Albuquerque, NM)